Did you know that there is a National Masturbation Day? (Well in the USA at least). It appears to have been kicked off (or more appropriately jacked off) by the sex toy industry. The first of these days was held in 1995 and usually occurs in May. Can anyone tell me what day it is on this year? I’d like to know whether I need to ‘bone up’ on the wrist exercises! Perhaps Clinton Cards could dig themselves out of the mire by selling Happy Masturbation Day cards sponsored by Kleenex. Personally I reckon that for teenagers, especially boys, every day is a masturbation day. Well that’s what I seem to recall when I was a teenager at least. Is that a bad thing? I seriously doubt it. Despite all the warnings about too much wanking making you blind I’m now in my 50s and whilst I don’t have 20:20 vision I am a long way from blindness!
What I’d like to know is how many of you celebrate National Masturbation Day? I don’t want to know how you celebrate it, I think I can guess that bit! But the benefits of wanking/ jacking off/ jilling off are apparently many fold and include; decreased tension and stress, healthier pelvic muscles, increased endorphin production, decrease in chances of prostatitis among men, decrease in candidiasis among women and cardiovascular exercise. Obviously sex with yourself has to be safe as well doesn’t it? as long as you wash your hands before and after, especially if you have eaten hot and spicy finger food before hand. Genitalia and chilli is not a good mix, well so I’m told anyway!
So to celebrate this day take a listen to a marvellous ode to the joys of wanking. Ladies, Gentlemen, Jacks, Jills, Tossers, Bean Flickers, Bishop Bashers, Meat Beaters, Log Floggers, Monkey Spankers, Plank Yankers, Beaver Beaters, Clam Slammers, Slug Tuggers, Flagpole Varnishers, Chicken Chokers, Banana Buffers, Pickle Ticklers, Gherkin Jerkers, Helmet Polishers, Python Pumpers, Masturbators and Wankers I give you Ivor Biggun and the Red Nosed Burglars performing the classic “The Winker’s Song (Misprint)” Click here to enjoy another Ivor Biggun track which I recently posted on my music blog With Just A Hint Of Mayhem.