Mozart trumps the bum trumpet!

Mozart-Fart-Jokes

This is perhaps one of my favourite subjects of all that I have posted on this particular blog. According to those wonderful QI people Mozart supposedly kept a fart diary. How fartastic is that and how did they get wind of it? I’m not sure how I have missed this little snippet about Mozart’s bum symphonies as there are references all over the internet.

0a83146074ba2b069560f1a515cb5ff384f819628d5e8884b23765fce67d0ab7

In a, hopefully jokey, letter to his mother he allegedly wrote “Yesterday, though, we heard the king of farts/ It smelled as sweet as honey tarts/ While it wasn’t in the strongest of voice/ It still came on as a powerful noise.” Perhaps we should refer to him as Mofart in future.

tumblr_m1uy6hP6ld1qkvbwso1_500

I’d like to know what he recorded in his fart diary. Was it volume, tunefulness, length, stench maybe other people’s reactions. What do you think? I’m also curious, is there anyone out there who has done or currently keeps a fart diary? OK I recognise that I might have just cued a bunch of flatulence fetishists to comment but fart be it from me to judge them!

mozart-lech-mich-im-arsch

Did it influence his writing I wonder?

Symphony number 2 (geddit?) in B Fart minor

Concerto for trumpet (presumably the bum trumpet!)

Cosi Fart Tutte

images

Nigel Farage is a #@!$

nigel-farage-ukip-racism

I suppose this might be the nearest that this blog ever comes to being a UK Election Special, but yes this is a rather topical post. Given that election fever is rising here in our little country I thought I had to pass on some interesting information.

nigel_farage

Nigel Farage is the racist, bigoted, Daily Mail reading leader of the UK Independence Party, a.k.a UKIP. Yes I know that most of you knew that bit, but did you know that  the Malay word for vagina
is ‘faraj’ and pronounced ‘farage’, as in the same way Nigel pronounces his surname? (Thank you to those wonderful people at Popbitch for bringing this to my attention). Now I just hope there is a language somewhere in the world where Cameron means knobhead or arsehole!

549557_269634569788789_165779253507655_593277_777551270_n1

David+cameron+is+a+bellend_6e1f99_3995210

Want to pop my cherry? Knot a chance!

ah6

How many of you are fans of Twin Peaks? I certainly am. Do you remember the scene where Sherilynn Fenn‘s character Audrey Horne is trying to get a job in a brothel? She appears to tie a knot in a cherry stem with her tongue. I hate to dispel many pervy dreams but she was actually unable to perform the trick. The writer Harley Peyton had once seen a friend do the knotting a cherry stem trick at a party.

tumblr_l0atarhMcr1qzkq51o1_r1_500

Let’s JFDI shall we?

image

You are probably all familiar with Nike’s famous advertising slogan, ‘Just Do It‘. Did you know that the inspiration came from the last words of murderer Gary Gilmore before he was executed in the 70s? Apparently advertising executive Dan Wieden coined Nike’s famous catchphrase after thinking of Gilmore’s last words as he faced the firing squad in 1977. Gilmore said simply, ‘Let’s Do It!’

anc-3-thumb

This also gives me an excuse to play the Adverts timeless punk classic “Gary Gilmore’s Eyes“. Some of you may be aware that I write more than one blog and just to introduce you to at least one other in my blog family this post will be simultaneously made in two of them; With Just A Hint Of Mayhem and With Just A Hint Of Learning, albeit with a different title in each. Fell free to visit the one that you haven’t visited before!

CIApuccino or Black Ops Americano anyone?

spyvsspy

Did you know that the CIA’s Langley Headquarters has a Starbucks outlet? Not only does it have one but it is also possibly the only one where customers are not asked for their name in order that it can be written on their beverage receptacle.

the-cia-starbucks-baristas-are-basically-spies-too

Apparently the thought of giving ones name made some of the CIA’s undercover agents very nervous. Apparently many of the staff at the Langley complex refer to the coffee outlet as Stealthy Starbucks! I wonder if James Bond drinks Starbucks?

starbucks_cia-jpg

A Molarccino please barista!

images_2_clean_teeth_are_happy_teeth_coffee_mugs-r347324c71d5c472aa71bc44b219e47b6_x7j10_8byvr_512

Apparently drinking strong black coffee can help keep your teeth clean and strong. There are chemicals in coffee,called polyphenols, that attack  the biofilm bacteria that causes tooth decay. Obviously having milk and sugar in your coffee would negate that effect. I understand that this has all been scientifically proven. I would like to add my ‘research’ to those scientific studies. I had to have quite a few fillings in my teeth when I was younger. I haven’t had a filling for many years and before you ask I don’t have false teeth…..yet! I never drank coffee as a child, in fact I probably didn’t start drinking a lot of coffee until I was in my twenties. I get through up to six large black Americanos a day now. So is that why my teeth are so healthy? Maybe it is, but it is probably the reason I am so wired and don’t need much sleep! You can’t win them all can you? Maybe Dentists should replace those minty mouthwashes with a coffee flavoured version though.

This-cup-of-coffee